


The Letter

by DeviousOmens



Category: Broadchurch, Illogical Husbands - Fandom, Masters of Sex
Genre: Illogical Husbands - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 06:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeviousOmens/pseuds/DeviousOmens
Summary: After a year of being apart, Bill writes his ex Alec a letter in hopes he can meet with him to explain why he had to leave the way he did.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & William Masters, Alec Hardy/William Masters, bill masters/Alec Hardy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, a couple of apologizes. This hasn't been beta-read so all mistakes are mine. I also don't know a lot of UK slang or how to write in accents (if that's a thing) so please forgive me on that. 
> 
> This pairing, Illogical Husbands has truly helped me get out of my writing funk and this is the first fic I've written and completed in almost two years. Now, if it's the last one I managed to write then I'm fine with that but I really hope it isn't. 
> 
> So thank you for taking the time to read this, I do appreciate it.

* * *

It had been one week since Bill wrote and sent Alec a letter telling him he was coming to Broadchurch. One week and he still hadn’t received a reply back. However, Bill was determined to not let the lack of response stop him so he boarded his flight to Broadchurch and sat nervously on the plane. He'd just have to deal with Alec in person.

During the flight he replayed their last conversation together in his mind. He remembered the hurt and confusion on Alec's tired face. He could hear the pain in his own voice as he told Alec he had to leave, that he couldn’t do this anymore. To walk away was one of the hardest things he had to force himself to do.

He wasn’t sure when he'd fallen asleep but a flight attended woke him up and informed him that the plane would be landing soon. He prepared himself, buckled his seatbelt and stared out the window as the pilot announced their landing.

Still a little groggy, he got up from his seat and grabbed his bag from the overhead bin before following the other passengers and flight attendant to the exit.

“Enjoy your stay.” She said to him with a smile.

He nodded his head and gave her a small smile before leaving.

In the airport he went to the luggage carousel and grabbed the rest of his things before heading over to the rental car desk to pick up the keys to the car he had book.

He'd lived in the UK long enough before to learn how to drive on their streets and he hoped he hadn't forgotten.

As he drove, he wondered if coming back, seeing Alec would all be for nothing. He started second guessing himself, telling himself how if Alec had wanted anything to do with him that he would have tried to reach out to him in the last year.

“You didn’t reach out either.” He said out loud to himself.

Perfect. He was talking to himself now.

Bill tried quieting his loud mind by turning on the radio. He cringed at whatever Top 40 song he didn’t care to catch the name of, was playing. He immediately switched the station and it landed on talk radio.

By the time he got into town he had changed the station 8 times before finally turning off the radio and letting his over-analytical mind take over with thoughts of doubt and worry.

He wasn’t sure why he’d expected the town to change in some way but he wasn’t disappointed that it hadn’t. He parked just outside the Traders Hotel. He grabbed his bags from the trunk and went inside.

Becca Foster, the proprietor of the hotel greeted him with a smile, “Wow, this sure is a surprise, Dr. Masters!”

“Hello again.” He said to her as he put his luggage down, “Forgive me for not calling and booking a room in advance but I wanted my presence back in town to remain low-key.”

“Understandable.” She said to him as she moved to her booking area and checked her log book. “It seems we have a few rooms still available. Any preferences?”

“No.” He told her.

She handed him a key, “Room 6. It’s just up the stairs and to your left.”

He took the key from her, “Thank you.” He said then picked up his bags before proceeding up the stairs, he turned to her once again, “I’d appreciate your discretion regarding my visit.”

“Of course.” She told him with a smile.

In his room he dropped his luggage at the foot of the queen size bed then looked around before he began to undress to take a shower. After his shower and getting dressed in fresh clothes he headed back downstairs and walked down the street to a small bakery that he frequented when he was here last.

He stopped in his tracks when he came face to face with Ellie Miller inside the bakery. They stared at each other for a minute before Bill pointed out, “You don’t seem surprised to see me.”

“He told me you were coming, just not when.” Ellie told him.

“Look…” He started to say but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“We don’t have time for this.” She told him, “He’s in the hospital.”

Bill’s heart dropped; his face went white as a sheet. “Wha-? Why?”

“He made me swear not to tell you anything even if you showed up begging for information but…” She hesitated, “He’s in the hospital because of you. His heart misfired or whatever it does when he got your letter and thank God I was on my way to his place or he would have just…”

She shook her head not wanting to think about what could have happened. “He’s been in the hospital for 2 days now and refuses to let them do the operation.”

Bill didn’t say anything, he just turned on heels and left the bakery. Ellie followed him, rushing to keep up with his long strides, “What are you doing?” She asked him.

He got to his car and looked at her as he opened his door, “Get in if you want or don’t. I don’t care.” He said as he got in. Ellie barely got herself in the passenger seat and the door shut before he pulled away from the curb.

“You’re speeding.” Ellie said to him as she braced herself.

“Write me a ticket.” He said to her as he raced to the hospital.

Once at the hospital he asked Ellie for the room number, brushing passed the nurses station and the odd glances he was getting from people as he tried to rush without running down the hall. Ellie did her best to keep up with him and was out of breath by the time they got to Alec’s room.

“I tried to stop him.” Ellie blurted out to Alec who turned to see them both standing in his doorway.

“Liar.” Alec croaked out to her.

“Leave us.” Bill said to her without looking at her.

She didn’t budge.

He turned to her, “Please.”

She looked to Alec who nodded at her that it was okay before she glared at Bill then left.

Bill was too busy looking Alec over to notice that she’d shot him a look. He looked bad, worse than he’d ever seen him. He had dark circles under his eyes, he was skinnier, if that was even possible and he looked tired and weak.

“Who the hell writes letters anymore?” Alec asked and finally Bill made eye contact with him.

“What?”

“You say you have important things to tell me. You could have called or texted and yet you write a letter?” Alec asked, “A letter that took nearly a week to get here. I could have died by the time I got it.”

“Don’t say that.” Bill said to him then shook his head, “Don’t joke about it.”

Alec’s face softened, “Still worrying about me?”

Bill scoffed, “I don’t have cause to be? You’re in the god damn hospital Alec!”

“No, you don’t get to be worried about me! Not anymore, not since you walked out!” Alec shouted at him. His heart monitor started beeping faster, “You think you can just bloody waltz back in here and act as if nothing's happened? Who the hell do you think you are!?”

Bells started going off and a nurse rushed in followed closely by Ellie.

“Sir, you’re going to have to leave.” The nurse told Bill.

“What did you do?” Ellie asked him as she watched the nurse put an oxygen mask on Alec and push a few buttons on the machines.

Bill stood motionless as he watched Alec struggling to breathe and fighting with the nurse. He kept trying to tear the mask off his face while staring at Bill. He could see that Alec was trying to say something but he couldn’t hear him.

“Get him out of here!” the nurse shouted at Ellie, who grabbed Bill by the arm and practically dragged him out of the room.

Once out and down the hall Bill pulled out of Ellie’s grip and tried to get back to Alec but Ellie shouted after him, “I swear I will shoot you where you stand if you take one more step!”

Bill froze then turned to face her slowly. “I can’t just leave him like that!”

“You can and you will.” Ellie told him. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose to calm herself down. She took a breath then opened her eyes and looked at Bill, “What the hell are you doing here? Why now after all this time?”

“That’s no concern of yours.” He told her as he looked past her and down the hall to see a doctor going into Alec’s room.

“No concern?” Ellie huffed, “Well excuse me if I disagree with you because after you left, I was here. I was left to help him, as much as he would let me.”

He looked at her, “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know how good of a friend you are and how much you mean to him.” He sighed, “I truly didn’t think anything like this would happen.”

He looked down the hall towards Alec’s room again and watched as the doctor and nurse both left. Ellie turned to look as well then looked back at Bill, “I’ll go see what happened.” She told him, “You stay right here and don’t move.”

Bill nodded and watched as she went down to Alec’s room.

He paced for almost 20 minutes in the hall waiting for her before she finally came back. “He wants to see you.” She then pointed a finger at him, “But so help me God, if you get him worked up again like that, I will haul you off to jail for attempted murder and no one will question my actions.”

“I understand.” He told her with a nod then headed down the hall.

He slowly and cautiously went into Alec’s room and just stared at him. His eyes were closed, his face turned towards the window across the room. He looked as if he was sleeping.

“Can you possibly breathe any louder?” Alec asked as he opened his eyes and turned to look at him.

Bill pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down. He fought the automatic urge to take Alec’s hand in his.

“Trying to kill me eh?” Alec asked with a smirk. He saw the look on Bill’s face, the one that said, ‘I’m not in the mood for jokes.’. The small smirk from his face faded, “Don’t look so worried, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You haven’t been fine in a while.” Bill said to him, “Why can’t you see that? Why don’t you understand how serious this is?”

Bill sighed, “You could die. Do you want that?”

Alec didn’t say anything, he just turned his head to stare out the window again.

“This is why I had to leave.” Bill said to him, “Because I felt like I was fighting for something you didn’t want.”

“When we were together, I found myself watching you all the time, worrying every time your breathing would become irregular. I’d see the spaced out look in your eyes and knew you were getting dizzy. I noticed you taking those tablets more often throughout the day.” Bill told him, “Yet you’d rather suffer through all that than have surgery.”

“You have people who care about you, who love you and you make them suffer right along with you.” Bill told him, “If you don’t care about me then fine, I get that but what about Ellie or Tess?”

He paused, “What about your daughter?”

Alec whipped his head around and glared at him, “Don’t you dare bring her into this!”

“Why not?” Bill asked, “You’re her father. Don’t you want to be around for her? Because let me tell you something right now, you jackass,” Bill stood up fast, knocking the chair back as he did, “You keep refusing the pacemaker and Daisy will have to watch as they throw dirt on your casket.”

He stormed out of the room before Alec could argue with him. Ellie was standing outside the door, arms folded across her chest. He stopped just down the hall and turned back to her, he pointed at the door, “He is absolutely the most infuriating person I have ever dealt with in my life!”

Ellie walked towards him, she put a hand on his arm and lowered it, “Come on let me buy you a cup of coffee.”

They walked silently out of the hospital and she drove his car back to the bakery. Bill sat down at a table by a window and she brought them over their coffees before sitting across from him. She could see how angry and upset he was as he stared out the window. She sat quietly, blowing occasionally on her coffee and waited.

“I really thought that after a year he’d have wised up. I don’t understand.” He said then looked at her, “Why won’t he get the pacemaker put in?”

“The doctor told him the operation is complicated and that he could die on the table.” Ellie told him.

“He has a far greater chance of dying if he doesn’t have the operation.” Bill told her, “The fact that he’s lived this long with his condition is extremely lucky but his luck will run out.”

“You don’t have to tell me that.” Ellie told her, “For a year now I’ve watched him deteriorate. This makes the third time he’s been in the hospital in the last year. The Chief removed him from duty as of a month ago which has not helped him at all.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” Bill said.

“How would you? You left.” Ellie said to him.

“That’s not fair.” Bill said to her, “I –You know, never mind. I don’t have to explain my decisions to you.”

Ellie took a sip of her coffee and Bill went back to staring out the window.

After a few moments of awkward silence Ellie stood up and he turned to look up at her.

“Whatever you came here to say or do, I’d do it sooner rather than later.” Ellie told him before she turned and left the bakery.

Bill sat in the bakery till closing before stepping out onto the quiet street. He went to his car and drove back to the hospital. He charmed the one nurse sitting at the front desk and she allowed him down the hall to Alec’s room.

He stood in the doorway watching Alec, his breathing heavy. Bill realized he was having a bad dream and quickly went to his side. He put his right hand on Alec’s chest just above his heart, and the other on his shoulder, “Alec, it’s okay you’re just having a bad dream, wake up now.”

In his sleep Alec grabbed onto Bill’s right wrist and despite looking weak, the death grip nearly took him out at his knees. Bill rubbed Alec’s chest adding a little pressure as he squeezed his shoulder softly, “Alec, wake up it’s just a dream.” He repeated before shaking him gently.

Alec’s eyes shot open and he pushed Bill away from him as he looked around confused.

“It’s just me, you’re okay. Just breathe, take in some deep breaths.” Bill said to him, “You’re in the hospital and you were having a nightmare.”

Bill approached his side again then took the little pitcher from his night stand and pour a glass of water before handing it to Alec.

He took it and gulped it down in one shot. “What are you doing here?” He asked handing him back the cup.

He refilled it and handed it back to him, “I came to check on you and to talk.”

Alec drank slowly from the cup again before handing it back and resting his head back on his pillow. He put his hand on his chest then looked up at Bill, “You did that hand on my chest thing didn’t you?”

Bill pulled a chair close to his bedside and sat down, “Yes, and you nearly snapped my wrist.”

Alec reached out and took Bill's hand looking at his wrist that was red from his grip, “Better than that time I elbowed you in the face and bloodied your nose.” He said as he brushed his thumb across Bill’s wrist before letting his hand go.

“Why are you here?” He asked, “Why did you come back to Broadchurch?”

“I came here to talk to you, to tell you why I had to leave.”

“You left because I’m a bastard.” Alec said to him.

“And you’ll get no argument from me on that but it wasn’t all bad.” Bill told him.

Alec smirked at him.

“Why didn’t you respond to my letter?”

“How was I to do that?” Alec asked, “You didn’t put your address down and your phone number went right in the bin the day you left.”

Bill frowned.

“Even if I had told you not to come, I doubt it would have stopped you.”

“Did you want to stop me?” Bill asked.

Alec groaned, and rubbed his eyes, “I don’t know.”

He could see that Bill was hurt by his words but it was the truth.

“I watched you suffer those last few months we were together and it killed me.” Bill said, “I’m a doctor and I couldn’t help you, couldn’t fix you.”

“It wasn’t your job to fix me.”

“Yes, it was.” Bill said, “It was because I loved you.”

Alec looked at Bill who was doing his best to avoid eye contact like he always did when things got too serious.

“You made me feel so helpless and you were determined to just keep pushing yourself and all I saw was you pushing yourself towards death. I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t watch you dig your own grave when you could have done something to save yourself.” Bill said quietly, “So I left.”

“I don’t blame you.” Alec said and Bill looked at him surprised.

“Oh, I did at first and I was angry, very angry. I pushed myself hard at work, closed myself off from everyone, including Miller for a long time till I ended up in the hospital the first time after you left.” He told him, “When I woke in the hospital and Miller was there and not you, I realized you weren’t coming back.”

“According to Ellie you ended up in the hospital once more after that and your Chief took you off of active duty.” Bill said to him, “Haven’t you lost enough now to see that you need to have this surgery?”

Alec looked away from him and Bill knew this was his way of avoiding anything serious.

“I know you’ll never say it, even to me but I understand if you’re scared.” Bill told him, “Because I am too and I have been ever since that day I found you collapsed in the bathroom at your house with your head bleeding.”

Bill reached over and took Alec’s hand in his, “I may have gone back to St. Louis but not all of me left Broadchurch.”

Alec turned to look at him, his face started to crumble. Bill got up, and got on the bed with him. He lay back and pulled Alec into him. Alec buried his face into Bill’s chest and clung to him as he cried. Bill did his best to soothe him, whispering quietly to him over and over that it was going to be okay.

Somehow both he and Alec had fallen asleep. The nurse came in and gently woke Bill up, “I’m sorry, I really am but you have to leave before the new shift starts.”

Bill looked down at Alec, his head still on his chest as he slept peacefully. He nodded to the nurse who then left. Bill took a moment, then kissed the top of Alec’s head and gently nudging him, “Alec, I’m sorry but I have to leave.”

Alec grumbled something in his sleep before moving in even closer and settling in. Bill sighed, God how he missed this, missed Alec like this by his side. He didn’t want to leave but he saw the nurse pass by the window to the room and stop long enough to tap on her watch before moving on. He reluctantly started to shift Alec off of him as gently as he could without disturbing him. He almost had one foot on ground as he gripped the side of the bed to pull himself up.

“Sneaking out just like our first night together huh?”

Bill looked down to see Alec, hair in his eyes looking up at him and he shyly smiled down at him. Alec moved away from him so Bill could finally sit up on the side of the bed. He looked back at him over his shoulder as he slipped his shoes on, “The nurse told me I had to leave.”

“Ah.” Alec said as he ran a hand through his hair.

Bill stood up and Alec reached out, lightly grabbing him by the wrist and he automatically sat back down. Alec looked up at him, staring into his eyes as if he was searching for something. Bill remained silent as he waited for Alec to say something.

“I’ll do it.” He finally said then let go of Bill’s wrist and lay his head back down on his pillow before closing his eyes.

Bill wanted to say something to him but knew that he should just leave it at that so he did. He got up from the bed and headed for the door only stopping once to look back at Alec and smile before finally and reluctantly leaving.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning after getting hardly any sleep, Bill headed straight for the hospital with a cup of coffee in hand. A nurse at the desk stopped him, “Sir, I’m going to need you to come here please.”

Bill looked at the nurse, confused, “Why?”

“Sir, please.” She said to him.

Bill's brow furrowed as he glanced down the hall towards Alec's room before walking over to the nurse's station, “What seems to be the problem?”

“I need to see your ID.” The nurse told him and Bill pulled out his wallet and handed her his driver’s license.

She looked at it then handed it back to him, “I’m sorry Mr. Masters but you are not allowed in patient room 250.”

“If this is about last night, I apologize and I will now follow the visitor guidelines.” Bill said to her.

“I’m not sure what that means but this has nothing to do with last night.”

Bill was losing his patience now, “Then what is this about?”

“You are not on the approved list of visitors.” The nurse explained.

“How is that possible?” Bill asked, “I was able to visit him just fine yesterday.”

“The patient revised his list and we have to respect what the patient wants.” She told him.

“Who’s on the approved list?”

“I’m sorry but I can’t give out that information.”

Bill was speechless as he looked from the nurse to Alec's room down the hall.

“Please do not do anything rash. I don’t want to involve security.” She told him.

Bill cleared his throat, “Right, okay then.” He then turned and walked out of the hospital.

He drove straight to the police station, “I need to speak with DS Miller please.” He said to the young officer at the front desk.

“May I please have your name and ask what this is regarding?” He asked.

“Bill Masters and tell her it’s regarding Alec and if she doesn’t get her ass down here to talk to me…”

The officer cut him off, “There’s no need for that.”

He got on the phone and turned his back to Bill as he talked quietly for a few minutes before hanging up. “DS Miller will be down shortly, take a seat.” He told Bill as he pointed to a row of chairs out of the way.

Bill moved over to the chairs but didn’t sit down. He just folded his arms across his chest and stood fuming.

Ellie only had one foot off the elevator before Bill approached her, “Are you one of the approved visitors?”

Ellie grabbed him by his elbow and ushered him into a nearby interview room. She let go of his arm and shut the door behind her before turning her attention to him.

“Now, what are you talking about?” She asked him.

“I went to the hospital this morning to see Alec and was told I couldn’t go in because he has an approved list and I’m not on it.” Bill told her, “Are you on the approved list?”

“I don’t know anything about an approved list but I had no problem seeing him earlier this morning.” She told him.

“Did he tell you that he’s going to have the surgery for his pacemaker?”

Ellie was surprised by what he’d said which told him she didn’t know.

“He told me he’d do it last night when I went to see him.” Bill told her, “He didn’t say anything to you when you saw him?”

Ellie shook her head no.

“You have to go back to the hospital and ask him. Ask him if he’s still going to go through with the operation and ask him why I can’t see him?”

“Uh, excuse me but I’m at work. I can’t just leave whenever I like.” Ellie said to him, her hands on her hips.

Bill sighed and she could see he was getting frustrated. He took in a deep breath before letting it out, “I have never asked you for anything…”

She put a hand up, silencing him. She couldn’t take the pathetic look on his face and didn’t want to hear him beg. She rolled her eyes, “Fine, I will go but you will not come with and if he says he doesn’t want to see you then you will respect that. Give me your number.”

Bill gave her his cellphone number and she put it in her phone. She turned to leave but he didn’t follow her. She stopped, holding the door open, “You can’t stay here.”

“Right.” He said then followed her out.

Not really knowing what else to do while he waited, Bill drove to the beach and parked his car before making his way down to the water. Last time he walked on this beach; he was with Alec. The sand was cold and wet on his bare feet but for some reason it felt comforting. He walked a way down the shoreline then put his hands in his pockets and closed his eyes as he listened to the sounds of water lapping at the sand.

The shrill sound of his phone ringing ruined the peace as he reached into his breast pocket and retrieved his phone. “Hello?”

“Bill, it’s Ellie.”

“Yes, well I figured as much.” He said to her.

“He is going to have the surgery. He is waiting for the surgeon to schedule it.” She told him.

“Why can’t I see him?”

“All he told me was that he doesn’t want to see you and that it'd probably be better if you just went back home.” She told him.

Bill clenched his jaw, “When you see him again you tell him I’m not going anywhere.” He said the hung up.

He went back to his car, put his socks and shoes on then drove back to the hotel. He used up a couple of favors making calls to find out more information about Alec's surgery and who the surgeon would be.

Bill figured Alec lied to Ellie because the surgeon had already scheduled his operation for the following morning. Now all Bill needed to figure out was how to get in to see Alec.

\-----------

Early the next morning he lurked around in the hospital till he spotted the nurse who let him into Alec's room the other night.

“Please, I have to get in to see him before his surgery.” He pleaded with her.

“I’m sorry but that won’t be possible.” She told him.

“I understand there’s a visitors list in place but this is important.”

“No, it’s not that. Mr. Hardy already went into surgery.” She said.

Bill checked his watch, “But, he wasn’t scheduled till later this morning!”

“They took him in over two hours ago. Actually, he’s probably out of surgery by now.” She told him.

“I have to be there when he wakes up. Please can you make that happen?” He asked her.

She looked around to see if anyone was watching them then motioned for him to follow her. He followed her down two different corridors before coming to an empty nurses’ station. She typed a bit on one of the computers before going to a printer. She came back over to him and handed him a visitor pass. “He’s surgery was completed about half an hour ago and they’ve taken him to recovery. This will let you in and you’ll find him in room 425. I’ve changed the approval list but it will only last for the next few hours.” She told him.

He looked down at the visitor’s pass then back at her, “You’re risking your career for me. Why?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I would hope that someone would do the same thing for me if I needed to see the person I loved.”

She smiled at him then said, “Just go up two and turn left from the lift. Room 425 and good luck.”

He watched the young nurse walk off before going to the elevator. He made his way up and turned left as he was instructed. The nurse at the station only took a moment to glance at his badge before directing him to the room.

He paused a moment outside the room, preparing himself before finally pushing the door open slowly. He poked his head in, expecting maybe to see Miller or Tess, his ex-wife but neither were there and he was thankful for that. He saw Alec sleeping peacefully as he made his way into the room further.

He grabbed one of the chairs, carried it over and set it down at the side of the bed. He sat down and without hesitation took Alec’s hand in his.

“You’re unbelievable selfish you know that?” Bill said quietly but with anger, “What if something had happened to you?”

He clenched his jaw in anger pushing down the lump in his throat that was threatening to turn into tears.

Bill sat staring at him, really looking him over. He shook his head at the sight of him, he truly looked like shit.

“All you had to do was take care of yourself and you couldn’t even do that could you?”

He sat quietly for a minute then said, “I tried so hard to put you out of my mind when I left. I buried myself in my work. Staying late going over meaningless paperwork was easier than going home to an empty bed.”

He shifted in his chair a little to get comfortable, “You can’t just expect people to stop caring or loving you because you want them to. You can’t just push people away and then feel hurt when they leave.”

He sighed then looked at Alec, he studied his face. His hair was longer than usual and the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes were more visible. Bill smiled when looking at his freckles, he loved the man's freckles. But what he truly loved were his eyes. He expressed everything with his eyes. Sure, he could yell when he was pissed, throw something when frustrated but Bill could see more going on in his eyes. He could see the pain, anger, love and joy even in the quiet moments.

Please open your eyes.

The door to the room opened slowly and the nurse who helped him came in, “I’m sorry but they’ve called his family. They’ll be here soon and you can’t be here when they arrive.”

He nodded at her, “I understand.”

She smiled and left and Bill gave Alec one last glance before he stood up to leave.

“Don't.”

Bill looked to see that Alec's eyes were half open and he refused to let Bill’s hand go. He immediately sat back down and held his hand with both of his.

“You’re here.” Alec managed to say.

“So are you.” Bill told him and Alec smirked in his haze.

“I wanted to be here this time when you woke up. I wanted my face to be the first you saw.”

Alec squeezed his hand softly.

“Your family is coming and I’m not supposed to be here.” Bill explained as he stood up to leave.

“Come here.” Alec said quietly and Bill stepped closer to the bed.

Alec motioned for him to come closer and Bill bent down. Alec slide his hand to the back of Bill’s neck and pulled him in, softly kissing him on the lips before letting him go.

Bill was at a loss for words as he stood up straight and stared down at Alec, who’s eyes were closed but had a small smirk on his face.

“I—I will come back later.” Bill stuttered out.

“Mmhmm.” was all Alec managed.

Bill left the room and was almost to the elevator when someone called his name.

He turned to see Tess and Daisy. ‘shit’ he thought as they approached. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Tess, he just felt awkward around her sometimes.

He said hello to them both as they came up then Tess told Daisy she could go in to see her dad and that left the two of them alone.

“This is a surprise.” She said to him, “I didn’t know you were back in Broadchurch.”

“I only got here a few days ago.” He said to her.

“Because of Alec?”

“Yes, but I didn’t know he was in the hospital.” He told her.

“We didn’t know he was in the hospital till yesterday and just found out this morning he had surgery.” She told him, “Did you see him?”

“Just for a minute only.” He told her nervously, “The nurse told me his family was coming so I wanted to give you privacy.”

She smiled at him, “Bill, you’re his family too.”

He gave her a small smile in return.

“I better get in there before he convinces Daisy to bust him out of here.” She said to him, “But please Bill, don’t be a stranger.”

He nodded at her and watched as she went into Alec's room before he headed to the elevator.

Once out of the hospital he called Ellie to tell her about Alec.

“He what?!”

“Don’t feel bad he didn’t tell anyone.” Bill told her, “But, he’s in recovery now and Tess and Daisy are with him.”

She sighed on the phone, “Thank you for calling to let me know. I’ll yell at him later.”

Bill chuckled then hung up. Unsure of what else to do he drove himself back to the hotel.

He decided to take a shower and freshen up. While in the shower, as the water cascaded over him, he thought about Alec kissing him.

It couldn’t have meant anything; he was probably in a haze from the anesthesia and didn’t know what he was doing. Or maybe he knew but it was just a friendly ‘thanks for showing up' kiss between two ex-lovers. Bill decided whatever it was, he wouldn’t make a big deal about it.

He got dressed then went for a walk and decided to stop at one of the restaurants down the way to get something to eat. While he waited, he kept checking his watch as he calculated how long he should wait before returning to the hospital.

“Tess is still with him.”

Bill looked up to see Ellie standing at his table. “Hmm?” He asked as he gestured for her to sit down and she did.

“Tess called me a few minutes ago from the hospital. She and Daisy are still with him.” Ellie told him.

“Oh.” He said quietly.

“I’m sure you can sneak back in after hours with the help of whoever helped you before.” She said to him.

“No, I’m afraid that ship has sailed.” He said to her, “Besides it’s good that he’s with Tess and Daisy.”

She could see how disappointed he was that he might not get to see Alec again tonight.

“So, what are your plans?” She asked him.

“Eat lunch and go back to my hotel room.”

She rolled her eyes, “I meant long term plans Bill.”

He thought for a moment, “I think for the first time in my life I don’t have any.”

“I’m shocked.” She told him, “Maybe a little impressed. It’s about time you loosened that bow tie of yours.”

He instinctively reached up to adjust his tie and she snickered.

“I better go, some of us still have to work.” She said then stood up. She looked at him, “I’m going to say something to you and if ever asked to repeat it I will deny I said it in the first place but, you were good for him and you made him happy which I never thought was possible. So, if that’s part of your long-term plan then I support it because he needs to be happy again, you both do.”

She went up to the counter and grabbed her lunch to go and as she passed him again gave him a wink before leaving.

After his meal Bill went back to the hospital. The nurses didn’t hassle him as he headed to Alec’s room which more than likely meant he wasn’t banned anymore. He didn’t know if he should knock on the door or not so he opened it a little and poked his head in. Tess was sitting in a chair near the window reading a magazine. She looked up, “Come in, they just took him for a few tests.”

Damn. Bill was really hoping to be with Alec alone.

Bill came into the room, “Where’s Daisy?”

“She went to the cafeteria to get something to eat.” Tess told him.

Bill sat down in the chair closest to the door, “What tests did they take him for?”

“I’m actually not sure. But the doctor said if the tests go well, he can probably go home tomorrow some time.” She told him, “I’ll get him settled in and stay with him a couple days.”

Bill was surprised by this, that Alec actually agreed to have Tess look after him. He felt a little jealous by it as well.

“He’s already told me it’s unnecessary but I’d like to be there just in case.” She told him.

“Yes, that seems wise.” Bill said to her then looked at his watch. He stood up, “I should probably go.”

“Bill, you don’t have to leave.” She said to him as she closed her magazine.

“No, I have a few phone calls to make and some business to finish up.” Bill lied, “Will you tell him I stopped by please?”

“Of course.” She said to him and he slipped out the door.

He went back to his hotel room, pulled out his phone then sat down on his bed.

“Hey there, Doc, how’s it going?”

“Hello Betty, I just called to tell you I’ll probably be here a little while longer than planned.”

“Everything okay?” She asked him.

“Everything is fine.”

She chuckled, “You’re lying. But if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.”

He sighed, “He had surgery and now his ex-wife is here and it doesn’t look like she’ll be leaving any time soon.”

“Tell her to go away.” She said to him.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Sure, it is.” She said, “Tell her that you want to spend time with him or look after him or whatever it is you want to do.”

“I can’t do that Betty. What right do I have? I haven’t been here, I left.” He said to her.

“You’re there now.” Betty told him, “That should count for something.”

“I wish it did.” He said to her, “I’ll call if my plans change.” He then hung up and tossed his phone next to him on the bed.

He got up and went back downstairs to hotel restaurant and order himself a drink at the bar. The bartender tried to make small talk with him but he just down his drink in one gulp before he got up and left.

He decided to go for a drive and clear his head and ended up back at the beach. He walked barefoot by the water as he carried his shoes and socks. He loved the water, the sound of the waves. It was a calming feeling that washed over him. When he lived here before this was the place he'd come when he needed to take a breath so to speak. The cliffs that loomed over the beach did intimidate him however. He knew the history, knew about the people that had been enticed by them.

He stayed on the beach watching as the sun slowly sank into the ocean, changing the sky from blue to swirls of red, orange and purple. He made his way off the beach and back to his car where he brushed the sand off of himself then put his socks and shoes on. He drove back to the hotel and went straight up to his room. He spotted his phone on the bed, forgetting that he’d left it there. He picked it up and checked it.

3 missed calls from an unknown number, 8 text messages and one voice mail.

He read through the text messages, one was from Betty reminding him to eat and he rolled his eyes. The other 7 made no sense:

‘Wher’

‘blooo’

‘how where’

‘duck’

‘ducking shirt’

‘fingers knot’

‘call me black’

Bill’s eyebrows were knitted together as he decided to listen to the voicemail.

Alec’s voice came on, “Why the bloody hell don’t you answer your phone?! You know I can’t text for shit. You can write a damn letter but can’t pick up your phone?!”

Bill could hear shuffling then Alec grumbling what seemed like a bunch of swear words then, “Tess is gone, come see me.”

That’s all Bill needed to hear before he was out the door.

He snuck passed the nurse’s station and headed straight into Alec’s room. Alec was trying to sit up in bed but was fighting with the IV lines that were tangled around his arm.

“Wait.” Bill said and Alec looked up at him. He went to his side, “Just don’t move.” He helped untangled the lines for him then helped Alec lay back.

“I actually need the bathroom.” Alec said once Bill got him settled in.

“Oh.” He said then helped Alec sit up on the side of his bed.

“I got it from here.” He told Bill then grabbed his IV stand and slowly shuffled to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Moments later he emerged from the bathroom and Bill helped him get back into bed before he covered him up.

“So, where were you?” Alec asked Bill who sat down in one of the chairs near the bed.

“The beach. I’m sorry I didn’t realize I had left my phone in my hotel room.” He told him, “I came by earlier, did Tess not tell you?”

“She told me. She also said you didn’t stay long after you found out she was taking me home.”

“I-well, I—” Bill stuttered as his eyes shifted trying not to make eye contact, “It’s whatever you’re comfortable with Alec. I have no say in the matter.” 

“I told her I didn’t want her taking me home, didn’t want her staying to take care of me.”

“I’m sure she insisted that you have someone look after you, at least for a few days.” Bill told him.

“I told her I wanted you.”

Bill look him in the eyes, shocked. “Me?”

“Yes, you.” Alec said to him and once again Bill’s eyes wandered and he fumbled for the right words. “Ahh just say you’ll do it already.”

“Okay.” was all Bill managed to say

A nurse, and not one of the nice ones came into the room, hands on her hips as she glared at Bill.

“I better go.” He said to Alec before standing up. He looked at Alec, “I’ll see you in the morning.” Then on instinct he leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

He went into full panic mode as he made his way passed the nurse without making eye contact and quickly hustled down the hall to the elevator. He cursed himself all the way out of the hospital and into his car.

When he finally got back to his room, he’d calmed down a little and told himself that Alec would probably forget his little kiss in the morning. Just then his phone dinged and he checked it. Another text from the unknown number, who he now knew was Alec. He opened the message and the only thing in it was a kiss mark emoji. 💋

Shit.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Bill took his time getting ready. He then went to the bakery bought a dozen pastries and a coffee for himself. He drove to the police station and stopped at the front desk with the box of pastries, “Make sure DS Miller gets these please.”

The young officer nodded and he thanked him before he left.

He'd finished half his coffee before getting to the hospital and threw the remainder of it away when he got inside. He went into Alec's room and stopped when he saw that the bed was empty and Tess was standing by the window staring out.

She turned to him, “He just went to have a quick test.”

He sighed with relief and nodded at her.

“I'm only here to drop off some clothes for him to change into for when he goes home.”

“I swear Tess I had nothing to do with…”

She waved him quiet, “Bill, I know that. And honestly you don’t always have to walk on egg shells around me. Whether you came back to Broadchurch to work things out with him or just to nurse him back to health, whatever the reason it’s none of my business.”

She looked at him as he stood there silently, “You made him happy, which for a very long time he wasn’t. I want to see him happy like that again.”

She went over to him and put her hand on his arm, “I do hope you’re here to stay though.”

He smiled at her.

“I put his clothes in the cabinet there. Tell him Daisy and I will see him tomorrow.” She said to him then she left.

Bill let out the breath he was holding in. He never thought he needed Tess’ approval before but hearing what she said now made him feel better.

A few minutes later a nurse came into the room pushing Alec in a wheelchair.

“I still don’t understand why this is necessary. I can walk just fine.” He argued.

“It's so you don’t fall on your ass then sue the hospital for negligence.” Bill said to him.

“Thank you.” The nurse said to Bill as she watched Alec get back into bed.

The nurse then took the wheelchair and left them alone.

“Tess leave?”

“Yes, just a few minutes ago. She said she and Daisy would see you tomorrow.” Bill told him.

“Can’t wait to get out of here.” Alec said as he slowly reached for the water pitcher on the table next to his bed.

Bill got up and got it for him, pouring him a half a glass of water and handing it to him.

Alec looked up at him, “Is this how it’s going to be when you get me home? Are you going to jump every time I need something?”

“I'm trying to help.”

“I’m not an invalid.” Alec told him then drank his water.

“I never said you were.”

“Good because I’m not.” Alec told him as he leaned over and put the plastic cup back on the table, groaning a little as he did.

“Is this how its going to be when I get you home? Grumpy and a pain in the ass?” Bill asked.

“Sounds like his normal self.”

Bill turned to see Ellie standing there with a smile on her face.

“Miller, you can’t just sneak up on people.” Alec said to her.

“Sorry, didn’t want to interrupt your lover's quarrel.” She said then ignored the face he made as she turned her attention to Bill. “Thank you for the pastries.”

“You brought her pastries? What about me?” Alec asked.

“You’re welcome.” Bill said to her then turned to Alec, “And you’ll get pastries when you deserve them.”

Alec glared and waved a hand between them, “Whatever this is, I don’t like it.”

“Why are you here Miller?” Alec asked.

“Just came to make sure you hadn’t died.” She said to him.

“Disappointed?”

Ellie made a face, “Eh, I’ll get over it.”

Bill watched them banter back and forth. He missed this as well, seeing as Ellie was probably Alec's closest and only real friend.

“When are they kicking him out?” Ellie asked Bill.

“I’m not sure. I’ll go check.” He said then left the room.

Ellie had a big grin on her face.

“Whatever that’s about you can stop right now.” Alec told her.

“Must be nice having him around again.” She said still grinning.

“Ah he’s a pain in my arse.” He said, “Always around, looking at me like a lost puppy.”

“You’ve missed it, missed him.” She said to him, “Admit it.”

“Are there no crimes for you to be investigating right now?” He asked ignoring her.

“You’re not my boss, not while you’re wearing a hospital gown.” She told him.

Bill came in before Alec could say anything to her.

“Doctor should be in to see you soon then I can take you home.” Bill told Alec and Ellie beamed, a toothy grin on her face.

“Please get her out of here. Get a coffee or a sweet, anything at all.” Alec said to him, “Just take her with you.”

Bill looked at Ellie and the grin vanished as soon as he did which only confused him as to why Alec was annoyed. “I don’t understand the two of you.” He said then turned to Ellie again, “Cup of coffee?”

She nodded, “Sounds brilliant.”

“I’ll be back.” He said to Alec as he held the door open for her.

“Best coffee machine is this way.” Ellie said to him then turned left and he followed her down the hall.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle him?” Ellie asked as she put a lid on her coffee.

“I’ve dealt with worse, even from him.” Bill told her.

“Thought anymore about your long-term plan?”

“That all depends on how well the next few days go.” He said to her then took a sip of his coffee. He made a face, “This is the best coffee?”

She just shrugged and took of sip of her coffee as they headed back to Alec’s room.

When they walked in Alec was struggling with the nurse who was trying to help him get his t-shirt on while he stood in his boxers.

“And I will see you later.” Ellie said to Bill then turned quickly and left.

“Sir, if you would just stop struggling for two min…” The nurse was saying as he finally popped his head through the neck opening. She helped pulled his shirt down then went to get his pants.

“I’ll take it from here.” Bill told her and she looked at him like he’d just rescued her from a burning building.

Bill placed his disgusting cup of coffee in the trash then grabbed the dark grey sweatpants from the bed, “Sit down.”

Alec sat on the bed and Bill got down on one knee. Alec put his feet in each pant leg and Bill pulled them up to his thighs before standing up. He held on to one side of the waist band, “Stand up.” He said and Alec did so slowly.

Bill finished pulling up his sweatpants then went back to the cabinet and got the slippers Tess had brought and put them down in front of him.

“What did the doctor say?” Bill asked as Alec put his slippers on.

“Said the tests looked good.” He said, “Told me the muscle tenderness will go away in about a week so my arm won’t be useless.”

“I’d love to look at your results.”

Alec chuckled, “I bet you would.”

Bill gave him a curious look then went back to the cabinet, “Do you want to wear your jacket?”

Alec shook his head no then sat back down on his bed. The nurse came in with a wheelchair and Alec groaned.

“Mr. Hardy, please sign these release papers.” She said and handed him the clipboard and a pen.

He scribbled his name on the appropriate lines then handed it all back to her. She stood behind the wheelchair and waited.

“Faster you get in the chair, faster we get out of here.” Bill told him.

Alec reluctantly got up from the bed and sat in the wheelchair. She gave Bill a small plastic bag containing Alec’s watch, wallet, glasses and keys. He then held the door open for them and she wheeled Alec out of the room.

The two of them waited at the curb as Bill pulled the car around. She helped Alec into the car then said goodbye.

“Why are you driving like an old woman?” Alec asked as he checked the speedometer.

“I’m going the speed limit.” Bill said to him, “And just because I’m driving a little more cautiously doesn’t mean I’m an old lady.”

“Does to.” Alec grumbled under his breath.

They walked to Alec’s door and Bill dug through the plastic bag to get the keys. He unlocked the door and opened it but when he turned around Alec had sat down in one of the chairs.

“I think I’ll stay out here and get some fresh air.”

“I’ll put the kettle on.” Bill said then went into the house. It was like stepping back into the past, nothing had changed since he left. Alec still had the same couch with the ratty throw blanket on the back of it and from the looks of the couch, he’d been sleeping on it more than in his bed. He went into the kitchen and filled the tea kettle with water and put it on the stove to boil. He then went back into the living room, grabbed the throw blanket from the couch and went back outside. Alec was sitting peacefully with his eyes closed but opened them slowly when Bill covered his shoulders with the blanket.

“I forgot how nice it is here.” Bill said as he stood looking out at the water. He turned and looked at Alec, who’s eyes were closed again. He went inside made Alec a cup of tea then came back out and put a hand on his shoulder to wake him without startling him.

Alec opened his eyes and looked up at Bill then took the tea from him, “Thank you.”

Bill sat down on the edge of the small concrete wall that separated the house and the water, “Maybe you should go lay down for a bit.”

Alec took a sip of his tea, “Maybe.” But he didn’t move to get up.

They sat quietly and Alec sipped his tea and looked out on the water. Bill looked him over, he’d gotten some color back in his face but he still looked fragile.

“Stop staring.”

Bill immediately looked away, staring at a boat that was going by instead.

“You don’t have to watch me every minute Bill. I’m not going to keel over, not as long as I got this little jumper cable in me.” He said as he lightly patted the upper left side of his chest.

“Okay.” Bill said quietly with a nod.

Alec put his mug down on the ground by his chair and tried to get up. Bill was by his side helping him up then let him stand on his own.

“Think I’ll go lay down now.” Alec said then went inside. Bill picked up the mug and followed him in.

Alec went into his room, sat on the bed and kicked off his slippers before laying down and closing his eyes. Bill didn’t know if he should go in and cover him up so he just went into the kitchen and poured out what was left of the tea from the mug into the sink and rinsed it out.

He made the mistake of opening the fridge and shut the door immediately. Bill shook his head at the smell then pulled the waste bin over to him. He braced himself then opened the fridge door again and started tossing out the leftover take out, 3 pieces of what he assumed was rotted fruit and one very squishy and moldy tomato.

He pulled the bag from the bin and took it outside before returning to the kitchen and getting the cleaning supplies out from the cabinet under the kitchen sink. He spent the next hour cleaning the fridge and the rest of the kitchen before he sat down at the kitchen table and took a break.

After he put the cleaning supplies back in their place, he wrote a note for Alec telling him he’d gone to the store and left it on the nightstand by his bed. 

Bill wanted to hurry and get what he needed and get back to the house before Alec woke. He bought enough food to last him a week then headed for the checkout.

“Hi Dr. Masters.”

Bill turned to the boy who was bagging his groceries, “Tom? I can’t believe it.”

Tom put the bags into Bill’s cart and offered to help him to his car and they walked out together. By the time Tom loaded the groceries into the car Bill was all caught up on the last year of Tom’s life.

“It was really good to see you again.” Bill said to him.

Tom smiled at him, “You too.” 

Bill was bringing in the last couple bags of groceries when he saw that Alec was sitting up on the side of his bed. He paused outside the door, “Are you okay?”

Alec looked up, brushed the hair from his face, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

“Are you dizzy? Do you need help?”

“I’m fine Bill, honestly.” Alec told him.

Bill put the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter then went back to Alec's room. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his head in his hands.

Bill sat down next to him and put a hand on his back, “Why is your shirt damp?”

Alec stood up quickly, which probably wasn’t smart since he wobbled on his feet. Bill stood up and held onto his arm to steady him.

Alec nodded to him and Bill let him go and went to his dresser. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a blue t-shirt and threw it over his shoulder.

“Let's get this t-shirt off of you.” He reached for the hem of Alec's shirt but he stepped back.

“I can do it.” He said and Bill took a step back as well.

He managed to get his right arm out but ended up getting his head caught and couldn’t lift his left arm high enough to free himself. After a minute of struggling he just stood there, face covered with his shirt, one arm up awkwardly. “Can you help me?” He asked quietly. Bill stepped forward and freed his head and then slid the rest of the shirt down his left arm.

The incision just under his left collarbone caught Bill’s eyes. He stared at it, not really examining it just thinking of how it saved the man he loved. Alec watched as he reached up slowly, lightly touching and tracing a finger under it.

“Bill…..”

He looked into Alec’s eyes, his hand dropped to his side, embarrassed.

He quickly helped Alec put on the clean shirt, “I’ll put the groceries away then I’ll make a light dinner.” He then hurried out of the bedroom.

When Alec finally joined him in the kitchen he sat down at the table and watched as Bill made sandwiches at the counter.

“I had a bad dream.”

Bill turned to look at him.

“Why my shirt was damp, I had a bad dream.”

Bill put a plate with a sandwich and some crisps in front of him, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alec shook his head then popped a crisp into his mouth. He looked around, “Did you clean my kitchen?”

“I did.” He said then sat across from him at the table.

They ate mostly in silence then Alec got up from the table and went to his room. Bill cleared the plates then checked on Alec who was rummaging through his dresser drawers.

“What are you looking for?”

“Socks.” Alec said then shut the last drawer and looked around his room. He found a crumpled pair on the floor then sat in his bed. He managed to get one sock on then struggled with the other.

“Do you want me to help?”

Alec held out the sock and Bill took it from him then got down on one knee and put it on his foot.

“I want to go for a walk. Can you grab my shoes from the closet?”

Bill grabbed a pair of black trainers, something he didn’t even know Alec owned and helped put them on.

They locked up the house then slowly strolled down the street.

“I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have someone take care of me.” Alec said as he looked straight ahead.

“Annoying isn't it?”

“Very.” Alec said and both men chuckled.

Alec's text alert went off and he pulled the phone from his pocket and checked it. He sighed and put it back in his pocket. “Tess will be here in the morning.”

Bill nodded as they turned around and started back to the house.

“She's just worried about you.” Bill told him

“She doesn’t need to be. I have you.”

“At least you’ll get to spend time with Daisy.”

“True.” Alec mumbled.

Once back at the house Alec got situated on the couch and Bill grabbed his car keys.

“I have to go back to the hotel to grab some clothes. Are you going to be alright?”

“You mean am I going to behave? Yes, I’ll behave, won’t move for this spot.” Alec told him.

At the hotel Bill gathered up a few things, his shaving kit, his pajamas and a change of clothes and put them into one of his bags before driving back to Alec’s.

Alec was still on the couch, the tv on and turned to the news. Bill set his bag down on a chair by the couch, “If it’s alright I’m going to take a shower.”

“You know where it is.” Alec said as he started flipping through the channels on the tv.

Bill grabbed his sleepwear, A pair of boxers, dark blue pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt then went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Once showered and changed he went back out into the living room and noticed Alec wasn’t on the couch. He took his folded clothes from the day and stuffed them into his bag.

“Tea?” Alec asked as he came out of the kitchen carrying two mugs. Bill gave him a curious look.

“I can still operate the stove and kettle by myself.” Alec told him as he handed Bill a mug then sat down on the couch.

Bill sat down as well, “Thank you.”

They fell asleep watching some old spy movie and when Bill woke up, Alec’s head was on his shoulder. How he hated to wake him but he needed to get him to his bed. He reached over and took the mug that Alec was still holding out of his hand, and whispered, “Alec, let’s get you to bed.”

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times before sitting up and looked at him.

“Come on.” Bill said as he stood up and offered Alec a hand. He took it and Bill helped him up. He followed him to his room and waited for him to get into bed before he went back to the couch, lied down and pulled the ratty blanket over him.

Whimpering and groaning woke Bill up in the dead of night. At first, he was confused as to where he was and he ended up rolling off the couch with a loud thud. He sat up and looked around, the noises were coming from Alec’s room. Bill got up from the floor and rushed to the bedroom and saw that Alec was in the middle of another bad dream. He approached him, sitting on the edge of the bed he placed a hand on Alec’s chest, “Alec, wake up. It’s just bad dream.”

Alec’s eyes shot open as he grabbed onto Bill’s arm.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. It’s just me.” Bill told him.

He sat there and waited till Alec’s breathing calmed down and his heartbeat slowed.

“Better?”

“Yes.” Alec said quietly.

Bill went to get up but Alec still held onto his arm, “Don’t go. Stay here with me.” And Bill sat back down on the bed.

“No, I mean stay.” Alec said, “in my bed.”

Bill knew he shouldn’t. He knew it wasn’t a good idea but instead of listening to that voice telling him to just go back out to the couch, he stood up and lifted the covers. Alec rolled to his side facing away from him and Bill climbed into the bed. Alec backed up just a little then reached back, took Bill’s hand and pulled his arm around his waist.

“Night.” Alec mumbled.

All Bill could manage was an “Mm-hmm.”

How the hell was he supposed to sleep now when his heart was going to thump right out of his chest?


	4. Chapter 4

When Bill woke, Alec’s body was practically wrapped around. Bill didn’t even get a chance to relish the moment because there was a loud knock at the front door. 

“If we ignore them, they'll go away.” Alec muttered.

“Doesn’t Tess have a key?”

Alec dramatically rolled away from Bill and threw the covers over his head, “Yeah.”

Bill got out of bed and went to the door.

“Morning!” Tess greeted him with a smile.

“Morning.” He said as he let them both in. “He's just waking so let me make us some coffee.”

Bill got the coffee maker ready and hit start just as Alec emerged from his room.

Daisy gave him a big hug and a small brown teddy bear she'd brought. She showed him the small red heart on the bear’s chest that had stitch marks on it. He smiled and gave her another hug and a kiss on top of the head.

Tess poured herself a cup of coffee then sat down across from Alec at the table.

Bill excused himself then went into the bathroom, washed his face and changed his clothes before going back into the kitchen.

“You’re leaving?” Alec asked as Tess brought him a cup of tea.

“I have some errands to run.” Bill told him, “Your family is here, try not to be too grumpy.”

Daisy snickered and Bill winked at her.

Bill grabbed his bag then went to his car. He drove to the hotel left his bag upstairs in his room then went to the hotel restaurant and had a light breakfast before taking a walk.

He really didn’t have errands to run. He just wanted to give Alec time with his family without tagging along. Plus, he needed time to think especially after last night. He didn’t know if he should talk to Alec about what was going on or leave it alone for now. He was so confused and had no one to talk to about it.

Bill's cell phone rang and he dug it out from his pocket, “Hello?”

“Hey Boss, just checking in. How's it going over there?”

He told Betty about Alec's recovery and how currently he is visiting with his ex and daughter.

“And how are you doing?” She asked him.

He was quiet on the phone, not quite sure how to answer her.

“Okay before you lie and tell me you’re doing good, let me give you some unsolicited advice.” She said to him, “You went all that way to talk to him, maybe you went to see if there were still feelings there. So just talk to him already, stop wondering and second guessing. You’ll never know unless you ask.”

She hung up before he could say anything then a minute later he received a text, “Get the lead out.”

Then another text followed, “Don’t forget to eat.”

He didn’t understand why she kept telling him to eat but he texted her back a simple ‘thank you’ then continued his walk.

It was just after three in the afternoon when Bill got back to his hotel room and grabbed a few things to pack in his bag.

His phone rang, “Hello?”

“Hi Bill, it's Tess. I just called to let you know we are heading home now. Alec went to lay down.”

“Oh, okay Tess. Thank you and drive safe.” He said to her before they hung up.

Bill grabbed his bag and locked up his room before going downstairs and driving back to Alec's.

Using the spare key from under the mat he let himself in. He peeked in on Alec who was snoring quietly. Bill grabbed a book from his bag before putting it down by the couch then went into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

He was on his 2nd cup and deep into reading his book that he didn’t hear Alec shuffle up behind him.

“A medical textbook?”

Bill jumped, spilling his coffee all over the table, his book and half his lap. “Son of a b…” He stood up immediately grabbing one of the kitchen towels to blot the coffee from his book.

“I’m sorry.” Alec said as he grabbed another kitchen towel. He knelt down to wipe the coffee off the floor.

“Alec, don’t. It’s fine.” Bill said then helped him up, “It’s fine.”

He finished wiping up the floor then the table, leaving his book on one of the counters to dry.

Alec sat down at the table as Bill put his coffee cup in the sink then took the two towels to the laundry. He took off his pants and started the washer then threw the towels and his pants in.

He stepped into the kitchen in his boxers and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Miller’s here with a casserole.” Alec announced and Bill covered his naughty bits.

Ellie looked up at the ceiling as Bill side-stepped around them to the living room where he grabbed a pair of pants from his bag and put them on.

He stood in the living room for a minute before joining them, “Nice of you to bring over a casserole.”

“Yes, well it was no problem.” Ellie said trying not to look at Bill.

“I have pants on now.”

“And thank God for that.” Alec said with smile as Bill blushed.

They invited Ellie to stay for dinner and Bill served everyone a plate of casserole then sat down to join them.

They sat and ate and Ellie updated Alec on what was going on with a few open cases and shared some of the office gossip. When they were finished, she offered to wash the dishes but Bill told her he’d do it later. They thanked her again for the food and Alec walked her to the door.

Bill was filling the sink to let the dishes soak as Alec came back into the kitchen and sat down. “I could help with the dishes you know.”

“They need to soak.” Bill told him, “How was your visit with Daisy?”

“Tiring but in a good way.” Alec said smiling, “I’m just lucky she still wants to spend time with me.”

Bill stood motionless at the sink.

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” Alec said, “I just meant that after the kind of father I was …” Alec went quiet, nothing he could say now would sound right. He knew Bill didn’t have a good relationship with his son, that John refused to even speak to him and he knew that Bill blamed himself for it completely.

“I’m glad Daisy wants to spend time with you as well.”

“Do we have plastic wrap?” Alec asked changing the subject.

Bill turned to look at him, “What?”

“I need a shower and I’m not supposed to get my incision wet so I need to cover it.”

Bill opened a couple cupboards and a few drawers before finding the plastic wrap.

“Should be some tape in the tool box in the laundry room.”

Bill found the tape and came back into the kitchen, “Got it.”

“Tape me up?”

Bill smiled.

“Eh don’t be dirty.” Alec said as he walked out of the kitchen. Bill followed him and they went into the bathroom.

He helped Alec take off his shirt then cut a piece of plastic wrap, folded it over a few times and put it over his incision. “Hold it in place.” He told Alec as he ripped a few pieces of tape from the roll. “It’s a good thing they shaved your chest for your surgery.” He said as he carefully taped around the plastic wrap then examined it.

“All set.” He then looked at Alec, “Do you, um, do you need help with your pants and ….?

“No, I’ll manage.” Alec said to him.

“Right.” Bill said, “Right.”

He left Alec in the bathroom, leaving the door ajar just enough to listen for him if he needed help. He sat on the couch and thought about what Betty had said to him, ‘You’ll never know unless you ask.’

Bill waited and when he was sure Alec had gotten in the shower he went into the bathroom.

“Why did you kiss me?”

Alec pulled back the curtain and poked his head out, “What?”

“In the hospital, you kissed me and I want to know why?”

Alec shut the curtain, “Because I wanted to.”

“Because you wanted to?” Bill asked, “Did you not think of what it would mean to me?”

“Do you really want to talk about this now?”

“Yes, I do.” Bill insisted.

Alec turned off the water and pulled back the curtain. He grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around his waist.

“Isn’t that why you came back here Bill? You came back to see if there was still something between us.” He said as he stepped out of the shower and towards him, “You could have easily explained why you left and how you felt in the letter you sent but you didn't. So now I’m just supposed to believe you came all this way to have a 15-minute conversation?”

He brushed past Bill and headed to his room dripping water along the way. Bill followed him, “I wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Alec was opening and slamming shut the drawers to his dresser. He grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of boxers from the second drawer. He sat on his bed and put on his boxers under his towel. “Okay you’ve seen me and you know how I’m doing. Go home now.” Alec said as he stood up and pulled up his boxers. He removed the towel and tossed it on the floor before grabbing the t-shirt.

“I don’t want to go home. I’m helping you.” Bill said to him.

“I don’t need your help.” He said as he went to put his shirt on. He lifted his left arm too fast and too high. “Fuck!” He cried out as pain radiated onto his chest, his right hand went up to his incision that was still covered in plastic.

Bill went to him but Alec pulled away.

“How stupid do you have to be to ask me why I kissed you?”

“What?” Bill asked confused.

“Why do you think I kissed you? Do you think I did it to mess with you?” Alec asked, “You really think I would do something like that?”

“No.”

“When I said I kissed you because I wanted to that’s exactly what I meant.” He said, “Because I wanted to from the moment you stepped into my hospital room. I didn’t care why you came or what you had to tell me. You were here, you were home and all I wanted to do was kiss you.”

Alec growled in frustration. He really hated talking about his feelings, really hated exposing himself this way. When Bill left, he closed himself off again over the last year and now here he was again left bare, not to mention he was still standing in just his boxers.

Bill smiled at Alec’s growl, he’d heard him do this more than a few times in their relationship and he always knew what it meant. He stepped closer to Alec and when he didn’t step back, he reached up to slowly remove the tape and plastic from his chest. He took the t-shirt from the bed and helped Alec put it on.

“You’re right I didn’t just come back to talk. I needed to know if you still felt for me the way I felt for you.” Bill said to him then looked him in the eyes. Alec leaned in and stopped just short of their lips touching, “You’re not going to yell at me again if I kis …”

Bill placed a hand on Alec’s chest and shut him up by kissing him first. Alec’s arms snaked around Bill’s waist and he pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss. Bill could feel Alec’s heart beating fast and smiled into the kiss before stepping back.

“Okay, I uh think we better stop before your pacemaker has to zap you.” He said as he looked around flustered, “And put some pants on for God sakes!” He walked out of the room and went out the front door.

Alec put a pair of sweats on and then found Bill sitting outside in one of the chairs staring out at the calm water. “My heart’s fine now, it can take a lot more than kissing.”

“Doctor recommends no sex for 4 weeks.”

“Hey, who was talking about sex?” Alec said, “I just meant you don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass anymore. You don’t have to worry about me, watch me breathe or rush to my side if I close… wait, 4 weeks really?”

Bill laughed out loud.

Alec pulled a chair closer and sat down next to him. They sat for a minute in the quiet before Bill asked, “Why couldn’t I see you before your surgery?”

“I couldn’t face you and I didn’t want to hear you say how much you cared for me.” He told him, “It would have felt like you were saying goodbye.”

Bill sighed, he understood what Alec was saying.

He stared at Alec who was looking out over the water, “I missed you.”

“I know.” Alec said, then looked at him with a shy smile, “I missed you too.”

Two days later Bill ran into Ellie at the bakery. She grinned from ear to ear when she saw him.

“What?”

“You and Alec are back together again, aren’t you?”

“No, we’re, no it’s not like…” Bill fumbled over his words, “We haven’t talked about anything definite.”

She couldn’t stop smiling.

“God, I bet you’re a blast to have around for poker night.” He said sarcastically.

“Are you buying him pastries? What did he have to do to finally deserve them?” She asked wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

Bill rolled his eyes at her, dropped some money on the counter and took his box of goodies, “Have a good day, DS Miller.”

When Bill got home, he made no mention of seeing Ellie at the bakery and Alec probably wouldn’t have heard him any way since he was more focused on the pastries that were in front of him.

Bill grabbed Alec’s meds from the cupboard and filled a glass of water. He placed the pills and water in front of Alec, “Medication first.”

Alec pouted but swallowed his bitter pills with one big sip of water. He then took out two pastries from the box and took a large bite out of one of them.

“Fogot totell hoo.”

“Please, don’t talk with your mouth full.” Bill said as he brought him a cup of tea.

Alec swallowed his bite and took a sip of tea, “I forgot to tell you, Tess and Daisy are coming by soon.”

“How soon?” Bill asked just as there was a knock at the door. Alec smiled at him.

Bill greeted Tess and Daisy at the door and they joined Alec in the kitchen. They helped themselves to the pastries and Tess got herself a cup of tea.

Bill went out into the living room to get his bag.

“You really don’t have to leave.”

Bill turned around to face Daisy, “I have a few things to do at the hotel and I need to make a stop at the hospital.”

“I know he had surgery; I know they put a pacemaker in him but…” She hesitated, “but I think you being here is what really fixed his heart.”

Bill cleared his throat trying to keep the lump from rising in it. Daisy smiled at him then quickly gave him a hug, squeezing him a little before releasing him and going back into the kitchen. He was overcoming with emotion and sat down on the couch to compose himself.

He then cleared his throat again, grabbed his bag and went back into the kitchen, “I have some things to do so I’ll be back a little later. Tess, Daisy you are more than welcome to stay for dinner unless you get tired of this guy, then I completely understand if you decline.”

“Hey!” Alec said offended.

“Guess we’ll be off now then.” Tess joked.

“Hey!” Alec said to her as he pouted.

“I’ll see you later.” Bill said to everyone before leaving.

While he was busy doing his errands, Tess, Daisy and Alec went for a drive then a walk down on the beach. Daisy went ahead of them looking for rocks to throw into the water while Tess and Alec slowly walked arm and arm together.

“So, how’s it been?” She asked.

“Good. Heart’s still ticking away and I’m getting stronger every day.”

“Glad to hear it but I mean having Bill here.” Tess told him.

Alec grinned, a rare sight for Tess to see when it didn’t have something to do with Daisy.

“Is he going to stay?”

“Don’t know.” Alec said as he watched Daisy do cartwheels down the beach.

“Did you ask him to?” Tess asked.

“No.”

Tess socked him in his arm, “God you’re bloody stupid.”

“That hurt!” He said rubbing his arm.

“Good it was supposed to. If you want him to stay, ask him to stay.” Tess told him.

“He has a life back home.” Alec told her, “I can’t keep him from that if he wants to go back.”

Tess rolled her eyes, groaned then asked, “Do you want him to stay?”

“Of course.”

“Then ask him.” Tess told him again, “Honestly, learn from your past mistakes will ya?”

He gave her a questioning look.

“Don’t let him leave again without a fight.” She told him.

They spent the rest of the day doing what Daisy wanted to do which included going to the cinema, having lunch and getting ice cream.

Bill arrived back at the house about an hour after they did.

“What smells so good?” He asked Daisy who was sitting on the couch watching tv.

“Mom’s cooking.”

Bill put his bag down and went into the kitchen.

“I hope you don’t mind.” She said to him as she turned from the stove.

“I just feel bad that I invite you to dinner and you’re the one cooking.” Bill said as he peeked at what she was cooking.

“It’s the least I can do. You’ve been so good to Alec.” She said then turned back to the stove.

“He’s been alright.” Alec said as he came into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

Bill smiled at him and he smiled back.

Soon they all gathered around the table and Tess served them. Daisy told Bill about the movie they saw, going into great detail and ruining the ending. She also told him she’d brought him a couple shells from the shore and left them by the couch.

“So, Bill, how’s work? Are they excepting you back at the hospital soon?” Tess asked and Alec glared at her.

“Work has been good, busy. But they aren’t expecting me back soon.” Bill told her.

“How fortunate. Isn’t that fortunate Alec?” Tess asked him with a grin.

God, he wanted to stab her in the hand with his fork.

“Yes, fortunate.” Alec grumbled.

Bill and Daisy looked at them both like they were crazy.

After dinner Bill cleared the table and they said goodbye to Daisy and Tess before he went back into the kitchen to start washing the dishes.

“Want some help?” Alec asked as he brought a drinking glass from the table to the sink.

“That’s okay.” He said to him as he took the glass.

Alec sat down at the table and watched Bill for a minute or two, “Are you going to leave when I’m cleared by my doctor?”

The glass slipped from Bill’s hand and broke in the soapy water. Like an idiot he reached in blind, “Shit!” he shouted as he pulled his hand out of the water. Alec was by his side with a kitchen towel and wrapped it around his bloody palm.

“Do you have a first aid kit?” Bill asked and Alec went into the bathroom and grabbed the kit from under the sink. He came back into the kitchen and put it on the table where Bill was sitting. He opened it and sighed, “I don’t suppose 4 small band aids and an expired pack of aspirin will help?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Bill said, “Can you grab my bag from the living room?”

Alec went and came back with Bill’s bag and put it in front of him. Bill rummaged through it and only found a couple pads of gauze.

Bill took the towel away from his hand, his cut was slowly oozing blood but it didn’t require stitches.

“I found some disinfected spray in the medicine cabinet and brought the roll of tape.” Alec said to him and Bill reached for the spray.

“Let me help you for a change.” Alec said as he took the cap off the spray.

“Just a couple of spritzes.” Bill told him.

He did what Bill told him then blew on his palm when he whimpered and said it stung. He carefully opened one of the gauze packs and placed it carefully on the cut. He used the tape and covered the gauze then held Bill’s hand to admire his work.

“I could have been a doctor.” He said as he released Bill’s hand and cleaned up the mess.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Bill said to him then smiled, “But thank you.”

Alec drained the sink, threw away the glass shards before filling the sink again and finishing the rest of the dishes under Bill’s supervision.

He turned to Bill and leaned against the counter as he dried his hands on a dish towel, “You never answered my question.”

“No. I’m not leaving when the doctor clears you. I want to stay.” Bill said to him, “I know we both still have feelings for each other and I want to see where that leads.”

Bill stood up and went over to him, “Now, if you don’t want me to stay, if you don’t actually have feelings for me still then that’s fine.” He moved in close, putting his hands on Alec’s hips, “But, I know for a fact you like kissing me….”

Alec tried not to smile.

“And I know in a couple of weeks the doctor is going to clear you for more than just kissing. And I happen to also know for a fact that you used to like it when we did more than just kiss.”

“No-one likes a know-it-all.” Alec said to him.

“You do.” Bill said then leaned in and kissed him.

\---------

The following weeks were busy for both men. Alec had a few follow-up appointments and his cardiologist was pleased with his progress and gave him the all-clear. Of course, he’d still need to check in from time to time but it was a small price to pay. He still had to wait a couple weeks before being cleared by the department doctor so he could be reinstated to active duty. Miller told him she would be more than happy to relinquish command back to him. Daisy and Tess came to visit almost every other weekend and he loved spending time with his daughter.

Bill resigned from the hospital in St. Louis and manage to get a position at Broadchurch Cottage Hospital. Betty, his trusty assistant and friend joined him soon in Broadchurch and finally got to meet the man who made Bill all warm and tingly (her words, not his). He moved out of the hotel and in with Alec and the first thing he did was insist on getting a better mattress for their bed. A mattress they would break in later that night. He worked long hours and some days he didn’t think he’d make it but he knew he’d be going home to the man he loved and that got him through the tough days.

It wasn’t always perfect and it sure as hell wasn’t easy but then again love never is.


End file.
